cracked open a half case for us boys
to toast tony jr.'s 16th
pauly figured this was the perfect time
to get tony to ask
his pa to set up his stag movies

after a little resistance and a couple budweisers
the old man finally agreed
but just as the projector and screen
were set up in the kitchen
the priest from across the street
popped in

we were all thinking
it's all over

as the good father found a seat at the table
old man santo turned to his holiness
passing a beer
and said "you know you're always
welcome here, father mick, but i must
tell you that i just promised the young men
a little girlie show here and i don't want to
embarrass you or disappoint them. perhaps,
father, you might consider slipping out
after a beer or two."

padre surprised us all by saying
everything was fine
and promised to remove
his glasses during the "physical parts"
so everything would be blurry

just the same everyone became
captive statues
during the first reel
all eyes glazed
on two young starlets as they did things
to a nerdy looking guy with a fake mustache
that entire football teams have yet to imagine
much less experience

when tony jr's beer slipped from his grip
and foamed over
onto his pants
silence became laughter
as old man santo remarked
"getting a little excited there, son?"

i know i had trouble sleeping that night
with my 14-year-old hard-on
but i couldn't help wondering
how this lone priest braved the small hours
in what i conceived to be
a cold wooden bunk
nursing a bulge lodged in his crotch
as rigid as
the cast-iron cross
that hung above his headboard